Friday, September 3, 2010

Relationships and cake batter

I have always been intrigued by other peoples relationships. I want to understand why they choose their specific partner and what motivates them to continue these relationships? We have all sat at a distance and gossiped about our friends and their mate. Dissecting their problems under a microscope while conveniently overlooking our own. After they've shared their problems with us we somehow convince ourselves that if they saw it our way and took our advice, they would live a blissful life. We can't understand why they won't leave and why they settle for meritocracy. We boldly say that "we" would never stand for that but who knows, maybe "we" would. There are so many reasons why people choose to stay in relationships. You can try to give advice but it really doesn't matter. People only do what they want to do, period.

Some people don't realize that there is a very specific recipe that needs to be followed if their relationship is ever going to succeed. Things just don't "happen". There is a thought process that begins only when you are mature enough to understand it. What are our expectations? Does this person posses any of the attributes we want or is it possible they could ever rise to them? Of course logic is not the first thing that surfaces when we meet someone but there are things always being revealed to us in the beginning. Very important things that most people don't hold as relevant. We are initially pulled into an emotional realm where long term potential is secondary to the momentary pleasure. It is only later, after life begins to settle, that we begin to see it from a different angle. This is the only window of time that its possible to detach yourself from the relationship and not loose too much emotionally. The mistake a lot of people make is they begin to overlook the obvious differences that can't be changed. Questionable things that are intuition tells us is off balance. We forge forward, investing more time, more emotions, more of ourselves. The mere fact that the relationship isn't doing well is what drives us to fix it. Sometimes it won't be fixed and can't be fixed but we keep fighting anyways. It's our instincts to survive and to protect what's ours that keeps us fighting for something that isn't worth winning. We find ourselves trying to bake a cake without all the right ingredients. If you don't have the crucial things that are needed then it's impossible to create it. People confuse it more by having children and then more children, even when they know things aren't right. Homes are bought together and families are intertwined and the unhappiness continues to rise. When does it change? Things are always changing just not always the way we want them to.

Some of the most crucial decisions we make in life are made for us. External things happen that force us to examine our relationships closer and then make the proper adjustments. It isn't until the affair reveals itself right in front of us that we are forced to look at it. Before that the assumptions were there but we just didn't want to acknowledge it because then we would have change the dysfunction we've become use to.

Few people ever find authentic happiness in their lives. Some of them don't know how to feel it alone. They have a distorted belief they need someone else to give it to them. Fear of being alone is too overwhelming for them so they settle. They never really know who or what was meant to make them completely happy and content. Chaos is never comfortable nor is it meant to be apart of your relationships. Some of us make these bad relationship choices when we are younger and that makes it even more difficult to get out. They lack the life experiences that are needed to help them know what they truly want and deserve. When there are more differences present in the beginning than similarities, then they are already starting out with the wind blowing at their faces instead of behind them. Why make the walk anymore difficult then it has to be? Maturity and wisdom is necessary before love can have the strongest chance. Everything before that is just suppose to be leading you towards finding it.

There are a few who find something beautiful and somehow the ingredients are all there for us to work with. We are able to mix them together and watch it slowly rise. It is only then we are able to enjoy the most delicious cake we've ever baked.

1 comment:

  1. This is Carolyn Coppola commenting, I don't know why but my Basset Hound Leo's big old black snout is gonna show up when I comment! I guess it's because my blogging account is from my LEO THE BASSET blog. I don't have a mommy blog, just a mommy book as you know just released for Mom's who drive Minivans and need to drink wine (which you did mention above, LOL) "Minivans, Meltdowns & Merlot" Anyway, Great Post and so true! After many years of suffering in emotionally/physicaly abusive relationships, I found the stregth to wake up and realize that I deserved better! I am so lucky to have a wonderful husband now of almost 14 years! He is seriously my Knight in Shining Armor and he saved me from my self! your posts!!! Good Luck!